its been awhile, love.
i can honestly say.. that i am the happiest girl in the world when im with you. theres no other way to explain it. i am in genuine happiness and real smiles when i think about you, when i hug you, and even when we’re just sitting in your car. i appreciate everything you do for me, even when you try to wake me up for work at 445am but you never do.. hah. i love you, i always will.
its just not going to happen.
THROUGH THE EYES OF….
This is through the eyes of Noel Mandal, we keep it old school. I just want to write this to you my love.. After reading what you wrote for me (my homework) I guess you inspired me to write something back about you, or more just about how much you mean to me. I love the way you write, I love the way you flow words into so much harmony that it sticks to you and leaves a mark like dry ice. Its something you do so well and just reading that stupid assignment you did makes me think about what your teachers think when they read your works of art. Like shit YO this shits hella brackin with the bars right now A+. like wow this paragraph makes me feel so interested in my self like what else do I do, im fuckin appealing to the audience now, wtf. Baby, you just amaze me to my wildest imagination to the fullest extent of the law and makes me think about how much I appreciate you and how FUCKIN lucky I am to have you in my life. These years of knowing you have gone by so fast and now that I finally have you they go by even faster then I want , I want it to slow down because I feel like you have so much to offer that im just missing everything, I want to catch every moment of you being amazing. Like parents trying to keep record of their child’s achievements I want to just slow down and experience all of the glories that you bless the world with. I want to watch you dance, speak, even just walk around because I feel like everything you do is so amazing and that with this busy fucked up life of mine I havent been able to catch you when your at your greatest. You really are my motivation, in life and to just be able to do everything I do everyday, I wouldn’t be able to get up in the morning if it wasn’t for you. I know my words don’t string together or create symphonies like yours do, and I know I cant create something so meaningful with just a sentence, but that’s why I use actions, and try to make every action of mine count towards showing you that I el oh vee ee you. Somedays I may not show it as much but I want you to know that I love you, and I keep on loving you during every second that passes. Like I don’t just love you when I say I love you but its beyond that. I love you every nanosecond or millisecond or whatever, I love you every moment to the point that time is measured in scientific notation (OH). And you mean the world to me, your not just the world yo you’re the fuckin SUN, you’re my center of gravity, around you everything revolves, I just cant tick without you and if your gone, everything is gone like you make my universe just WORK. You make me just work. Ive never found anyone as great as you, and I don’t plan on it, if theres someone out there that’s even just a little bit better then you..well… then FUCK EM! Kus their not. They aint tight yo. Nothings lovelier then you. Like YOU KNOW how in different strokes, when gary coleman’s like “THA FUCK YOU TALKIN BOUT WILLIS?!?!” joy… you were what Willis was talkin bout. Its just doesn’t get any better then that. Having you as my girlfriend is like waking up Christmas morning and getting you as a present. that’s like WAKING UP CHRISTMAS MORNING AND GETTING YOU AS A PRESENT! Theres just no way to complete that analogy kus that’s just the best thing that could ever happen! I mean theres just pretty much no other way that I can poeticly explain something that means so much to me then those wonderful three words that im so blessed to be able to say to you. Its not YOUR FUCKIN BICK, or hey wsup baby. But those three words that just blend within every lexicon, that are like numbers and everyone in the world knows what those words are. I mean I wish there was another way to put how I feel and explain to you in a single sentence just how much I feel about you and how much you mean to me with one forceful blow but theres only those three words that I tell you everyday. Joy Erika Diwa my loving wife, I just want you to know that, I , myself Noel Mandal, LOVE, truthfully and from the bottom and all of my heart, till the earth freezes and we all die and even after, YOU , my lovely Joy Diwa. I Love YOU. With emphasis. In all the ways that that sentence can be understood. No matter what, forever and ever. I just do.
Thanks again for doing my homework and thanks again for being Joy. don’t post this on tumblr. Maybe on our special tumblr yea =].
Honorably and respectfully yours, sincerely, the greatest and most handsome man ever, I am yours,
Noel Robin Ambat Mandal.
P.S. yayuh.
have you ever gotten that feeling where everything just seemed to fall into place.. and even though you had the most stressful days in the world, cuddling with someone on the couch just makes it all better? i dont get that feeling - i get something better than that when im with you.
i guess its that feeling of comfort i get whenever your arms slowly wrap around me and how your hands find their home in mine. or how when i squeeze you, you squeeze back and dont let go.. and how i hide the tears that trickle down my face because i cant picture being with someone as wonderful as you, and how lucky i am to have you in my life. i know we never remember our anniversaries or monthsaries.. and we didnt really celebrate our one year in a big huge way, but half of that stuff doesnt even compare to the moments i share with you.
i stay up every night hoping that ill get to talk to the man of my dreams.. before i actually see you in my dreams. i fall asleep cause you always come home late, and i wish i could stay up and talk to you when you finally call me at 3 in the morning, but my body isnt trained to handle so much physical happiness - emotionally, but maybe not physicially. i dont know what would happen if my heart started racing and i felt like i was floating at 3 in the morning. i dont think id ever go back to sleep.
speaking of sleep.. i love how i sleep better knowing that you’re on the phone. its like some sort of invisible connection that connects your heart to mine, like a seatbelt keeping me safe from anything bad that might hit me, or a blanket to keep me warm.
i constantly find small reasons why i keep falling in love with you, noel., and i hope i will keep falling for the rest of my life.
“It’s like a best friend but more. It’s the one person in the world who knows you better than anyone else. That someone who makes you a better person. No, actually they don’t make you a better person. You do that by yourself because they inspire you. A soul mate is someone you carry with you forever. It’s one person who knew you, accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would. And no matter what happens, you’ll always love them and nothing could ever change that.” — Dawson’s Creek (via followandreblog)
“Love isn’t him calming you down when you yell. It’s him yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn’t her or him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable. It’s after a fight, that drains the life and bones right out of the both of you, and yet him showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It’s not him saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it’s not him caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It’s him standing there, admitting he’s just as scared as you are.”
cause this is the real shit, and i believe every second of the pain.
& im happy and willing to do this every time we fight, because it’s worth it and i never want to lose you.
It’s not about being the cutest couple anywhere.
It’s not about the amount of attention we get from our friends.
It’s not about how many comments we get on pictures on facebook or myspace.
It’s not about matching shirts.
It’s not about the whole world knowing.
It’s not about having everything in common.
It’s not about the sex.
It’s not about seeing each other all of the time.
It’s not about saying “i love you” all of the time.
It’s not about the jealousy or the greed.
It’s about our connection & how our souls intertwine.
It’s about how we face the world every day as ordinary people.
It’s about trusting that everything is going to end up okay somehow.
It’s about finding ourselves within each other.
It’s about having faith in Him together.
It’s about praying for each other as individuals.
It’s about praying for each other as us.
It’s about believing in one another.
It’s about constant communication vocally & indirectly.
It’s about understanding without needing evidential proof.
It’s about laughing.
It’s about crying.
It’s about gentle care.
It’s about honesty.
It’s about patience.
It’s about living life except with h.i.m. in it for support.
It’s about learning.
& growing.
& knowing.
& feeling.
& being out of breath.
& your heart racing.
& your stomach floating.
& your feet flying off of the ground.
& never getting tired of it, because at the end of the day
… it’s all worth it.
love you boothang. <3
Dear Noel Mandal,
I’ve been writing this letter for a long time now, but i’ve finally decided to put it up and type it. 1) because i lost a couple papers and random things that i wanted to put in this letter. 2) im tired of writing these things on random slips of paper. So here goes, and i hope you like it.
entry one.
”I sat with Noel this morning on the way to SDSU. I almost died. i thought he was going to hold my hand. A part of me wanted him to, but another part of me didnt. I dont want it to be like how it was before. We always have bad timing and it never works out the way i want it to be. But i missed him a lot. Being with him all summer is going to be weird, but maybe we’ll get close again.. like writing those emails and talking to him on the phone. Noel has always been there for me when i need him. bestfriends again? we’ll see. “
before, being your bestfriend was merely a name that i could call you to tell the world that you were a close friend. now, that word means so much to me. having you as my bestfriend gives me an assurance that i can not only trust you with my heart, but with my life. there is no one that knows me like you do, and for that.. i love you.
entry two. “im scared to think that im falling for him again. he seems to really like paulene. id tell him, but he’s all excited about her and i like seeing him happy. but i havent felt like this in awhile.. and i guess i kinda like it. i was listening to the song ‘Endlessly’ today, and it hella brought back memories.
Do you know I exist, just to promise you this,
Endlessly to be true to you,
And if you answer my prayer,
I cross my heart and I’d swear
Endlessly to be true to you,
And if you’d only see,
How beautiful you and I would be, endlessly.
Ohh, oh yeah.
I remember when you fell in love,
I could not believe..
That it was not with me
I sent a secret prayer up above,
And put my heart away.
So that you could be free.
And I know that right now you’re broken in two,
But did you know my heart’s been broken since that day I met you.”
to this day, i still get that feeling everytime i see you. it may not be butterflies, but i think its better than that. its that tingly shock i get everytime you hold my hand, and the way my tummy starts doing backflips everytime your hands slide around my waist. i was always scared of taking the risk of falling for you all over again. but i knew the consequences, and its all been worth it. you’ve taught me that in order to get other people to love me, i must love and care about myself. i’ve learned that you’re the only one in my life that keeps me happy, and i love that. i would never push you away from my life, because i dont think i can take seeing you walk away from me.
entry three. “it was the fact that i had to call noel to give him his wake up calls, even if i knew he was going to go back to sleep like i did. “
i loved talking to you at night until you fell asleep, and waking you up in the morning.. and then again later for breakfast. i loved always poking you awake in mr. lou’s class and then doing my work because i knew you were going to ask to copy me. i loved having you in my life, whether it was all summer, seeing you at lunch and ap stats.. or just talking to you now during my mentorship and at night when i cant go to sleep. you are the main reason why i wake up in the morning and why i have a reason to go to bed at night.
entry four. “noel asked me out today. well actually he asked me to go steady. we were in coronado because we couldnt go to december nights and we wanted an adventure. we ended up in a parking lot that led to the bay. we played around a bit, took pictures, and then he asked me. and i think my wish finally came true.”
entry five. “Noel makes me happy, its crazy. everyday i spend with him is a constant reminder of how much i love having him as a boyfriend. from all his surprises that i hate and love at the same time, to just sitting down somewhere and holding his hand. he’s amazing. he’s everything ive wanted and more. i used to be all about guys and their talents, but with noel.. ive learned that the real talent that makes me go “weak”, is someone who can love me more than i love them.. and make me smile on the inside without doing anything. im falling hard, and i hope i never hit the ground.”
being your girlfriend has been everything ive wanted, needed, dreamed, and more.
you are finally 18, and responsible to make your own decisions - and get in trouble for them. but i am so proud of everything you’ve done and everything you’ve gone through. i am blessed and lucky to have been part of your 5/18 years of living, and i cant wait to be a part of more. you have not only been my friend, my lover, my bestfriend, my enemy (Sike), but you’ve been my backbone and my “boostie” when i needed to get back up. you’ve taken care of me even when i didnt ask, and you’ve proven that there can be a relationship worth waiting for.
noel mandal, from the bottom of my heart.. i love you. theres no one that keeps me smiling like you do. you’ve got me falling for you everytime you hug me, and it feels like im a little kid again.
entry six. ” i think about him 42/8. thats not even the right hours and days but i wish it was so i could think about him longer.”
i honestly cant get you out of my mind. & i know with you, it may be different.. because you have a million things to think and worry about, especially gertrude.. but theres no boy, excuse me, MAN (; who i want to be mine.. other than you. “on the last day of the world, theres no one id rather be with.” and its true, but it doesnt even need to be the last day of the world. i want you every single day of my life- morning, noon, and night. i know things are hard and there are times when you dont know what you’re doing or what will happen, but just have faith. God will never give you something that you cant handle. i am proud of everything you are, what you were, and what you will be in the future.
entry seven. “because for me, its always been you, always.”
from the start, til the end. “forever and ever”. “to infinity and beyond.” Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. But there’s also the chance that the person you can count on for a lifetime, the person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself, is the same person who’s been standing beside you all along.
& there comes a point in your life where you just love someone. Not because they’re good, or bad, or anything really. You just love them. It doesn’t mean you’ll be together forever. It doesn’t mean you won’t hurt each other. It just means you love them. Sometimes in spite of who they are, and sometimes because of who they are. And you know that they love you, sometimes because of who you are, and sometimes in spite of it.
& ive tried to think of the sweetest words i could say to you.. something different and something real. but i guess there could never be any words sweeter than saying “i love you.” because i do. with all my heart. and for the rest of my life.. you are all i need.